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Dante’s Inferno Review (Playstation 3)
Review Score:

Slashing through my soul since Wednesday…

After a slight issue with actually receiving Dante’s Inferno due to the postal service not being able to fit a CD case sized object through my clearly A4 sized letterbox, I didn’t actually get a chance to play this game fully until Wednesday of this week, I just sat at home with my last two cans of Mountain Dew and played through the Gates of Hell demo that was put onto the Playstation store a few weeks back, hoping I could gauge a good idea of what the game would be like. Unfortunately the demo didn’t really show too much, and so when I finally got a chance to get into the game on that Wednesday night, I really wasn’t expecting half of the stuff that I came across.

The poem, Dante’s Inferno, depicts the nine circles of hell and describes each one with meticulous detail, essentially, this is what this entire game is based upon. You play as Dante, a former crusader who went to the city of Acre crusading and basically murdering anything that moved (apart from women, because there is a lust circle in this game…) His girlfriend – Beatrice, is taken by Lucifer, and Dante goes after her into hell, in order to save her and be the hero of the day. From the start of the game you can tell Dante as a character won’t be too deep, as your first task is to simply slaughter a whole bunch of people with a pole axe. This sets the task and gameplay style for most of the game, and within the first ten minutes of it, you will have killed nearly sixty people and cut the grim reaper in half with his own scythe AND stolen it from him, Pretty cool eh? Well, the truth is, like this game, hell goes downhill, and if I get this out of the way now, the story is not that great, and the ending is pretty terrible.

A whole new twist on going out with a bang.

So after Dante returns home from a tough day of sewing a cross to his chest, you will be treated to a nice cutscene with a man with a crucifix in his eye and a dead lady with a tit hanging out (for no apparent reason I might add.) This ‘Lady’ is Beatrice, Dante’s lover, who’s soul leaves her body in a dramatic fashion, showing some more boobs and then the enemy – Lucifer, she is taken away by Lucifer and after Dante yells; ‘BEATTRIIIICCCEEEEEEEE’ (you will hear this a lot) the nice looking cutscene goes to the in game graphics, which I will talk about later.

So once Beatrice has been taken, you get to see for the first time the enemies that you will be fighting for six hours or so, the minions of hell, the minions are fairly well designed, but don’t quite stand up to the gluttons that are found a little later in the game. One thing this game doesn’t do too well is first impressions, when that first minion pops out from under the ground, the gravestone being destroyed just looks a little shoddy, however, the show must go on. So whilst messing up some ghouls, you may have noticed the convenient wall of fire that is blocking your path, I don’t have a problem with limiting where your character can go, but when the fire looks this rushed, and is unexplained, (presumably it’s from hell) it definitely needs a mention, most of hell is fire after all.

So after walking into a church and being treated to some more boobs, you will see hell for the first time, the walls of the church crumble away, and there it is, a big red and orange hole that you will be inevitably entering and traversing. After murderising some more minions and getting blood all over the church basement floor, you will instantly get the feeling of being an all powerful can-slash-the-shit-out-of-everything character, reminiscent to Kratos of the God Of War games, and when I first played this section, I giggled with a slightly strange glee, not quite like when I played borderlands for the first time, but close enough to make me cringe at what I had just done. Once the gates have been reached you finally enter Limbo, the first actual section of hell in the game.

Before I go into enemy design and graphics, I would just like to talk about the gameplay. Basically, it’s just a hack and slasher, not dissimilar to God of War, which also has a few rather poor platforming sections in it. The main reason I call these platforming sections poor is mostly due to the camera angles, which are fixed. This means that trying to make a tricky jump with a bad sense of perspective will often go wrong and some aspects of the platforming are just cheap, with sections that will get you killed (fucking ropes) and others making you stop your flowing combo of jumps and swings to pull a lever or push a barrel of some sort. There are a few decent puzzle sections in the game, none of these are too complex and can often be worked out in about five minutes or so. The hack and slash gameplay is the usual button mashing affair and the controls are solid, with your face buttons doing various attacks and jumping, and you L1 and L2 buttons accessing magic attacks and blocking. If you get used to the controls and know what moves you can chain together, you might actually use them properly, instead of smashing x, square and triangle all the time. The combat seems to suffer from an unfortunate repetitiveness, most hack and slash games will consist of the same thing throughout, but it is normally spaced out nicely, generally I found this game quite boring, whether it’s fighting the same wave of enemies just with a different backdrop or the fact that there are only about five types, just with different characteristics about them.

The design in this game is brilliant yet sick at the same time, to think that a person designed the demons and environments is a very odd thought, and when you see enemies such as the gluttons (with mouths for hands and saggy man boobs) it is hard to imagine how they were thought up. This game has pretty much everything to make you feel odd, Tentacles out of vaginas, boobs with dead babies coming out of them, vagina shaped doors, penis shaped columns, trees with screaming faces on them, people trapped in walls, people being burned-raped-stabbed-impaled-crushed AND spiked, decapitations, rivers of fat, people in boiling blood, giant worms that eat you and creepiest of all, Babies with sword arms. Yes, babies, not quite as scary as Giygas from earthbound, or what I am currently playing, Sweet Home (thanks ironfury, I won’t sleep for a week.) The enemies are incredible, from giant demons with wings and huge swords to minions that suicide bomb you and fat man boob wielding gluttons. The designs for Dante are ok, but for some reason he is topless in his main costume, which in fairness wouldn’t be the best form of protection compared to a condom in the lust circle (sorry, I couldn’t resist.) The boss designs are pretty cool, but not massively memorable, and unfortunately, the Lucifer they went for is generic and quite stereotypical.

The graphics are pretty decent I suppose, however, I mentioned the fire in the start of the review, and throughout the game it is noticeable that the fire looks quite 2d. The walls of people trapped look pretty horrible, and are clearly layered video as they look incredibly flat and there are hardly any 3D effects on them at all, this is a shame, as I think that that extra depth would have made things look a lot better. Character animations are fairly smooth and fighting looks nice and the blood and gore complements it so well, despite being incredibly graphic and over the top. Unfortunately the graphics don’t really hold up to the games out today, which is an awful shame, because I think that with simple improvements they could be very good. The cutscene CGI is very good looking, and if they had used that as the in game graphics (Don’t say it can’t be done, look at uncharted 2) this could have been very nice indeed. There are also some cartoon cutscenes that help break up the storyline of the game, these look nice, but are unfortunately rather short.

The final challenges that are at the end of the game are pretty ridiculous, some will be mega easy and the others might take some time to complete, I like to think I am fairly good at this sort of game, but there was a challenge at the end of this in which you had to kill around 50 enemies without losing your combo, this is a pretty tough challenge, simply because, getting hit will break a combo, stopping button mashing for a second will break a combo and accidentally grabbing enemies will also end a combo. It’s as if the game throws a big ‘Fuck you’ in your face towards the end, what with the story’s ending and these challenge sections let alone the bullshit final boss’ attacks, it just seems odd that essentially there isn’t a reward for going through this.

The game is around six to seven hours in length, and I finished it in about 6 and a half hours, even if you are a trophy whore, there isn’t much reason to come back and play this game through again, as finishing the game on any difficulty will get you a gold trophy, and it isn’t required that you try the game on a higher difficulty to finish the trophy set.

To finish up, Dante’s Inferno is a game that simply could have been better, improvements on the graphics would be a start, but the fact of the matter is, I found the game quite boring, sure it was fun in some parts, but the bullshit ending after all of that frustration just made me sigh rather than saying ‘OH MY GOD, MORE!’ to the(minor spoilers) ‘to be continued…’ at the end. By all means pick this up, but remember, you can always wait for God Of War 3, or get hold of Bayonetta for a cheaper price than this.

-Dean Case

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Dante's Inferno Review (Playstation 3), 7.8 out of 10 based on 4 ratings
  • David Mcmurdo
    February 14, 2024
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    Not long ago I suddenly felt really horny for no apparent reason and reading your review which references tits on numerous occasions hasn’t helped to be honest ;) I really love the concept of this game, reminds me of the old SNES game Actraiser 2. More games should be based on epic concepts like this. Those enemy designs sound awesome. Fuck all chance I’ll be seeing this on the PC though. Loved the review.

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  • Dean Case
    February 14, 2024
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    Thanks david, I think they should port this, the PC deserves to see it in full glory, as long as the port wasn’t shit and had good controls, i think it would be doable.
    apologies for the tit references too, lol.

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  • Gazza B.
    February 20, 2024
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    Reading through these reviews makes me feel smart, lots of long words! I dont know what some mean but still, I feel smart lol. Dante’s Inferno doesn’t sound like it is cranked up to be, from the sound of it before the reviews came out it sounded amazing. A adventure through hell slaying the evil minions whilst trying to save your loved one, but then the boobs get put in… If I was playing this and my mum walked in she would freak out and think that I am playing some weird game where you have to chase your naked girlfriend in spirit form! Anyways I’m gunna get Alien Vs Predator instead of this. AvP won’t ever disapoint me.

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